Addiction never ends

Every family would like to think because their loved one has some sobriety that is all that is needed.  Sobriety only exists as long as it is worked on.  It must be a conscious effort that is a priority.

Many try to say it is only a matter of will power.  Yes and no. When the disease is running rampant, an individual has NO CHOICE.  With a modicum of sobriety, the physical craving diminished, they once again are in a position to make choices.  However, this is where environment plays a big part.  Much the same as the dieter who sneaks that slice of cake, saying to themselves, “One small slice will not hurt.” The real fact is that one slice, stolen with no real consequence usually leads to the end of the diet.  This is human nature.  That part of our brain that seeks pleasure, will work very hard to justify and rationalize doing the wrong thing.

Remember we are all chemically different.  Some of us are allergic to strawberries.  Most of us are not.  Some of us are allergic to penicillin, some of us are not.  Simply because one individual can drink a scotch and not desire more or drink until they are drunk, doesn’t mean everyone else is weak.  For millions of people, they are fully cognizant that the first toke, the first drink, the first drug will in fact leads to much more.  These are truly sober individuals.  If you were to ask them, they will tell you tomorrow could be different.

I am always appalled at hearing the news about a celebrity OD’ing.  “Corey Haim Dead After Apparent Accidental Drug Overdose” is only one of many.  Without meaning to upset anyone, I disagree with the term accidental.  A confirmed addict/ alcoholic is always in search of more.  No matter how high they are, they believe “more” will make it better.  There is no accident here, there was a choice.  Had he been shooting heroin, the news would simply have said, overdose.  John Belushi, overdosed, Janis Joplin, overdosed. The list is endless.

For many it is easier, cleaner, and quicker to use pills than any other form.  No mess, no smell and no disgust.  It is simply a drug.  It does not matter the form, an addict will use.  For instance; the drunk who is guzzling Listerine, huffing canned air like Dust off,  or drinking entire bottles of Nyquil at the first sniffle.  To a normal person, Listerine, canned air, and OTC cold medicine is nothing to be concerned about.  To a drunk or a drug addict, clean and sober, they are opportunities waiting to happen.

8th Annual Resentment Burning

“Never forget that resentment is a deadly hazard to an alcoholic” pp117 Big Book

Saturday, Sept 26th, 2009   Doheney State Beach Tower 6, Dana Point, CA

High Priestess of Resentment

Dinner Starts at 5:30pm

BBQ (Carne Asada, Hot Dogs)

Bring a potluck dish to share,a chair of your own,

all your resentments,

Resentment Burning Starts at 7:30pm

Presented by: Bonfire Beach Meeting“Where it never rains”

Minions To call for info
Ginny S (949) 487-0268

Erin     (949) 584-9717

Pam     (949) 276-5907

Not Acceptable

Living with an alcoholic/addict can be hard to understand.  How can they not see how their drinking or using is affecting everything? Honestly, they do not.  Very simply put when the people that love and care about them insist on ignoring everything and making believe in the status quo, the drunk takes that as acceptance.  It’s just the way it is, and more importantly, that you accept their action.  They have no clue that it bothers you.

You need to spell things out.  Clearly, and confidently, tell them that their actions are not acceptable to you.  Saying it once will have little or no impact.  Just like the first time they came home hammered.  It had little impact on you.  It’s the years of them coming home hammered the lack of taking responsibility, and the increase in usage that has had the effect on you.  Each time, you probably gave them a stern talking to, and moved on.  For you, life keeps moving on.  The bills still have to be paid, and if you can get them to participate with you in anyway, you are jumping at the chance.

Each time you make nice, you wipe out all the statements of I do not like your drinking.  Not acceptable once has to be not acceptable at all times and forever.  The rules do not change simply because they have thrown you a bone.  The bone is a little bit of affection nine times out of ten.  They are cheating with you on their real lover, alcohol or drugs.

Here is a small tip.  Not acceptable is not acceptable.  Get that point across.  That may mean taking the empties out of the trash and putting a post it on the bottle.  They will come home and throw the bottle back in the trash, pull it out and put the note on it.  No screaming, no yelling, no discussion.  NOT IN MY HOUSE.  This is your house, and the drunk does not get to rule the roost.  You do.  You are the sober one.  They do not like your no-drinking or using rules, they may leave. Period. Not acceptable is not acceptable.

Just to get you out of their face, they will attempt to follow your rules.  Just to keep you quiet, and not messing up their high.  Do not let them.  Call it like you see it, your drunk, go away and sober up.  Make your home a sober zone for real.  They are either with you or against you, which is their choice.  If they need help getting sober, then go to AA.  98% of rehabs in the country send you to AA.  The fact will always remain that the only person who has a snowballs chance in hell of explaining to a drunk how to get and stay sober is another drunk.  It works; it has for over 70 years.  They can do that or they can go to rehab, but you have had enough!

All you need to do is one, decide that this is not acceptable behavior, and two, tell them directly that this is not acceptable. You need not even express why; it is not acceptable to you.  Unless of course you woke up one morning in your teens and said,”I want to be the spouse or lover of an alcoholic.”  I doubt you did.  So get out your post it pad, and start with the empties, see what happens.  Happy, glad, sad, or mad be calm and be clear.  Not acceptable is all you need to say.

For more information or to get insight one on one, call Coach Chez Wise at Motivate 4 Success, (949) 375-2676.  Real change, real results with unique techniques for your specific situation.  Tools you can use over and over and the motivation to keep going.  Call today.  You never have to live this way again.

Get them sober

You can’t. You cannot get them sober. You can only make the alternative miserable. I read on the internet 21 days to getting them sober, 6 tips for getting them sober, and a host of other ideas. Take it from real alcoholics and drug addicts. Nothing absolutely nothing you say and or do will get them to even admit they may have a problem much less do anything about it.
Over and over I hear about not letting the house get dirty, not letting the bills pile up, not telling them jack. Most individuals never change a thing, they simply stop nagging. I agree – stop nagging, but start doing. When something is unacceptable, write a note, tell them to their face, and make it clear, their actions are not acceptable. Make it clear that they are no longer welcome in your house. If they do not leave gently -make it miserable for them. No they no longer get to sleep in the big bed with the clean sheets. No they no longer get to take the kids to the park; no they are no longer welcome in your world.
Be relentless! It takes a minimum of 90 days in most cases just to get a rise out of them. And when they realize they are in trouble with you, then the sneaking and cajoling begins. Be on guard. Manipulation is the middle name of every drunk and drug addict that you will ever meet. Call them on everything, even if it is only suspected. The goal is not to get them sober, but to get them into recovery.
Sober is the absence of alcohol or drugs. That can last a week or an hour; the mind set is still there. It is only in a program of sobriety focused on recovery for life, that they will realize how their addiction has colored every facet of their lives. Sober means nothing.
You married a drunk with or with out the alcohol. No one becomes a drunk overnight. No one says as a small child, I want to be a drunk when I grow up. No one absolutely no one who has traveled the path can come out of it with out the help and support of other drunks. They cannot put the pieces of the puzzle together any better than you are. It is not the drink or the drug you are trying to get rid of, it is the alcoholic thinking, the self absorbed obsession that unless changed will only lead to another relapse.
You can’t make them sober, but you can get you sober. Leave your drunk behind and start making friends and having a life outside. Stop isolating yourself, stop focusing and in most cases obsessing over their lives. They have a disease, one that affects the mind and the body. Even if you fix the body, if you do not fix the mind it is all worthless. Pick up this simple set of tools, make them hit bottom. They either leave or go to treatment. Period. Dot. Draw the line in the sand and be done with it.

Nothing I can say, they will never change

I hear this almost every day. The fact is, they are not the ones that need to change, YOU ARE. Not for a day, a week, or even a month, change needs to be consistant. In our society we expect immediate results, and when that does not happen we revert to our old behaviors. It is what we know. Then we come up with another hair brain idea, try it for a short time, and nothing happens.

The power with persuasion is over the long haul. For anyone living with or working with an addict/alcoholic, (or even just stubborn and difficult) is to prove to them repeatedly that you are committed. Rarely, will it not have an impact. Even if it is not evident that you are making progress, I can guarentee you it will. You see this every day.

Infact, we train others to treat us in a certain manner. You can do this with anyone. You are the one that needs to learn to curb your emotions, your expectation, your craziness. I can tell you now that you need a minimum commitment of 90 days. Think of anything you have commited to in your entire life. How long did you maintain it. (Diets, Exercise, Church) alone how long did you maintain it?

Most people will quit after 2 weeks. However, if you have the support of others you can maintain it for years! This is what I do, I help individuals keep going! You can do this as well. Set up a strong support group or individual. Not once a week, but someone you can call at the moment you are losing it. Their purpose is to get you back on track, and believe me, that is not easy. They have to be stronger than you, and be able to extract themselves personally.

You do not have to live anyway you do not want to. You can draw the line in the sand, set the boundary, and maintain it. You just cannot do it alone. Call on someone to be your coach.

Ever wonder what alcoholism looks like.

This is the real face of alcoholism.  It is not a bad choice it’s the booze.  And I bet her family and friends are not surprised.   I want to ask if anyone told her she had a problem or if like so many families, we are told you don’t have a problem, you were just unlucky.

Mo. mom accused of giving alcohol to young teens

AP – In this photo provided by the Platte County Prosecutor’s Office, Karen Christine Downs is shown. The …

1 hr 2 mins ago

KANSAS CITY, Mo. – A mother and another woman face felony child-endangerment charges after a 14-year-old’s birthday party that ended with two young teens being taken to a hospital. Karen Christine Downs, 43, of Kansas City, and Kelsee Guest, 25, are accused of providing liquor and beer to six 13- and 14-year-olds at a February birthday party for Downs’ daughter. Two girls, one 13 and the other 14, passed out and were later taken to a hospital, according to court documents.

Downs allegedly offered $10 to whoever could chug a glass of vodka the fastest. Guest is accused of pouring the shots.

“We continue to work to educate teenagers and adults about the dangerous effects of teen drinking,” Platte County prosecutor Eric Zahnd in a news release. “But understand this: It is a crime to give alcohol to somebody’s child. And any adult who creates a substantial risk to the life, body, or health of a child can face felony charges.”

Police responded to a complaint of a loud party at a home in northern Kansas City around 2 a.m. Feb. 22 and found the teenage girls, several of whom told investigators that they had been drinking heavily. One girl who was unconscious was taken to a hospital, where her blood content was later determined to be .218, more than twice the legal limit to operate a motor vehicle.

A second girl also was taken to the hospital because officers believed she had alcohol poisoning.

“This was a very serious and dangerous situation,” Kansas City police Chief Jim Corwin said. “We are fortunate we are not standing here discussing a homicide.”

Officers found between 60 and 70 empty beer bottles and several empty liquor bottles scattered throughout the home’s basement.

The girls told officers that Downs offered them shots and told them not to tell their parents about it. After running out of alcohol, Guest asked the girls if they had any money to buy more, Zahnd said, and the two suspects and one of the girls then bought another bottle of vodka.

One of the girls told police she had beer and nine or 10 shots of vodka, he said.

“I would like to think that the outrageous actions alleged in this case will be viewed by responsible adults as totally unacceptable,” said Vicky Ward, coordinator of a community group that works to reduce teen drinking.

Downs was being held on $25,000 bond and Guest was being held on $20,000 bond. Both were cash-only.

The prosecutor’s office said neither woman had hired a lawyer as of Tuesday afternoon.

Alternative to Smoking Cigarettes

Finally a real alternative to smoking cigarettes! No gum, no lozenges, no patches and no carrot sticks. For anyone that has wondered what do I do with my hands now? This is the ultimate solution. Yes you really do need to quit, but if you are like me, after thousands of dollars, hundreds of strategies, you are still smoking.

Alternative cigarette

For well over thirty years I have been smoking. Back then it was normal. That was then and this is now. We all know the “dangers” of smoking and second hand smoke. The problem for me was one I still like it and two, I never found anything to do with my hands. Of course all my friends are on break in the smoking section, so do I never associate with them again?

I set the “stop date”. Cleaned my car, and made sure it had a new car smell. I threw out the ashtrays and lighters. I bought the gum or the patches or the lozenges. I made sure I had a support group. I even went so far as to ensure that all the goodies I normally shy away from, were all available. Dismal defeat. Smoking is part of my identity. I still like it, disgusting as it is, I still like it. Expensive as it is, I will still find a way to pay for it. At $6.00 a pack, that’s over $2000 a year.

I found a solution that is working for me. It might work for you. My In Life/M4s Safer smoking alternative devices that simulate the sensation of smoking without exposing the user to harmful levels of cancer causing agents and other dangerous chemicals normally associated with traditional tobacco products.

The simulated smoke produced is actually a vapor that looks like, tastes, feels and reacts much like tobacco smoke. When exhaled, the vapor harmlessly evaporates in the surrounding air within seconds. (seriously, it looks and feels like you are smoking) My In Life/M4s

No tobacco or tobacco products are contained in the products. In fact, the nicotine utilized is derived from natural sources other than tobacco. The basic components consist of a battery, an atomizer, a safe, flavored cartridge containing nicotine, water and propylene glycol and a computer chip that controls it all. Each cartridge is about a pack of cigarettes for me.My In Life/M4s

Alternative smoking

If you are heading for the garage, standing in the rain, freezing outside or doing any of the things we do just to have a smoke, check this out. One of the best features is the fact that there are no Butts! Take the time to check it out at www.myinlife.com/m4s

Help your addict/alcoholic hit bottom

For decades we have listened to the “experts” tell us recovery cannot happen until the addict or alcoholic hits bottom. Bottom for most alcoholics and addicts is jail, institutions, or death. Are you willing to wait?

No one, absolutely no one does anything without a reason or with out leverage of some sort. The same holds true for addiction of any kind. If there is no reason to get clean and sober, they won’t. If nothing ever happens that is all that bad, they won’t. Many just keep lowering their standards. In our current economic down turn, we will see more and more individuals falling deeper into their addictions. The truly sad part is the family will watch, not having a clue what to do, or the resources for solution.

If this is you, there are a lot of things you can do. First and foremost take an inventory of how you are adapting to the addict or alcoholic. How are you lowering your standard of living to accommodate them? For instance, some addicts and alcoholics tend to live in filth. They do not do the dishes, clean the bathroom or kitchen, and even their laundry will be piled sky high waiting for someone else to do it. Look around your house. How are they participating in the cleanliness of the nest? Then there is the other half that are up at three a.m. cleaning everything under the sun. How are they interrupting your sleep?

Here is a chance for you to take the blinders off and really get honest with yourself. If you find you are making excuses, such as “that is just the way they are”. Stop it! If you are participating in Al-anon and using the excuse, “I just detach from it”. Stop it! This is not 1951, the rules have changed. Our knowledge and experience has taught us a lot over the last 50 plus years. Detach emotionally, but do not accept even for a moment.

You can help your alcoholic/addict hit their own bottom, simply by not tolerating their actions. You can speed up the process simply by calling a spade a spade and not ignoring it any more. If your husband is sitting on the couch, with a stack of empty beer cans on the coffee table, tell him no more. Not acceptable. Not tolerated. If your wife is running a pharmacy out of the kitchen cabinet, tell her this is unacceptable. The key is leaving all emotion out of the discussion. The real bottom line is starting the sentence with, I love you but I will not accept this. The important aspect here is determining what you will and how you will live your life. Setting your standards and maintaining them is the difference.

What is not acceptable, simply anything that impacts you negatively. If you are having to walk on egg shells in your own house, or having to clean up after someone, take care of everything, literally live alone while you are suppose to be married, then something is wrong. Think back to before you were married. What did you dream your life would be like? Obviously, I am not talking about money, but about what your life was to be like. Is this it? If you are not willing to look at the truth, how will your addict/alcoholic be able to look at the truth? Take your inventory, just the facts, no reason, no debate, no judge or jury. Simply the facts. When we remove the emotional charge, we are rapidly on the road to recovery ourselves.

For 99 percent of the population, you will say something, and fall right back into the old patterns and behaviors in either hours or days. You give in and give up. This is actually normal. Alone, we rarely succeed beyond ourselves. Granted a few will, but for the most part, we fail miserably then turn and justify with, “see I did what you said and he is still drinking or she is still pill popping.” Keep in mind it took months, years even decades for the situation to become what it is. It will not change in a few hours or days. That being said, you need to gather up your own support network.

Your support has to come from outside of the immediate situation. Having an outside perspective in all things really changes how you see them. A Recovery Coach can be an invaluable ally here. Helping you to maintain your emotions, put them on the shelf for the time being, and really sticking to your plan of action over the long term. Usually, you will see changes happening slowly. Unfortunately, this is where most people quit. If you double your efforts, capitalize on the positives and reinforce good behavior over the long term, (1 year) you will see a new person emerge.

Can you hold out? Can you make it through 30, 60, 90 days? How about 6 months or a year? The answer is yes. A very strange, wonderful thing happens to you. You begin to discover who you are. You begin to develop the life you always dreamt of. You begin to gain a confidence and personal quality to your character that has always been there, but kept under lock and key. Your inner strength will attract others of the same solid power and your personal relationships will flourish.

For more information, help, or a simple conversation check out Motivate 4 Success

or call (949) 375-2676

Living with Recovery

Individuals who are newly recovered are not cured!  They are not going to be the person they once were, (your perception) and they are not going to be who you want them to be.  For spouses, you married a drunk or an addict. Period.  Out of all the people in this world you selected a drunk or an addict.  There I said it.  The drink or the drug is not the problem and never was the problem, it was the symptom that got away.  No one becomes a drunk over night.  Normal people have a night where they get sick on alcohol, and make a conscious decision that it is not in their best interest.  They realize early on that getting drunk is ugly.  A drunk on the other hand, drinks to get drunk.  It is not about the party, and who they will meet, it is about the drunk, and how much there will be to get drunk on.

This is who you selected.  Now they are in recovery, and are fully aware that thier disease started long before they met you.  Most will till you they were practicing by thirteen or fourteen.  If you met in your twenties, more than likely they were a daily drinker, perhaps a few after work, but daily.  Alcoholism, as well as addiction always grows in this sort of way.  So the fact is you have never known this individual as a sober adult. You couldn’t because they have never met themselves.

You need to really put the brakes on all your isms now.  You need to realize that you selected a drunk.  There is something there that attracted you to them.  What was it?  Look real hard and understand that the person who stands before you as a sober member of society may think and act totally different than who you believe they are.  If they were non religious, they may very well jump on the church band wagon.  If they were the life of the party, they may very well prefer to stay in the shadows, or stay home reading a book.  They are getting a chance to find out who they really are.  Rarely do they even know what they like or do not like, what they are interested in or not.  Their entire adult life, all facets have been affected by the drink or the drug.

They very well may not want to share thier journey with you.  For the spouse, you are the individual that they know they have probably hurt more times than you even know.  How would you feel if you suddenly found out that you personally ruined your husbands life?  For most, they have played the victim for all too long, and suddenly are faced with the reality that they had a big part in what has happened. The person they promised to love and care for, is the one they cheated on and threw things at.  There is a lot of craziness in an alcoholic marriage.  Especially during the dry spells.

As well the spouse needs to take this same journey.  You are responsible for 50%.  Everything is a choice in this world. You made a choice to marry them, and stay with them.  If you want the old drunk back, before the drinking got out of hand, you are up the creek with no paddle.  Either you meet this individual and share the journey, or quit.  You had a big part in this, and you will either change and accept the new person, or not.  If you stay who you are and who you have become, this marriage will never work out.  Work through this process with someone who can see from the outside.  Couples counseling is pretty worthless, when you have two broken pieces.  Fix yourself, and allow them to fix themselves.

Sober living in your home

Creating Sober Living in your home:

Create the environment!  Obviously, there needs to be many changes for everyone.

For starters make sure that your Addict/Alcoholic lives in a place that is free from alcohol and drug use. Your addict/alcoholic needs to attend group counseling and/or meetings. They are the ones that must take the action to maintain their sobriety.  These actions take priority over you and how you feel.  You need to be supportive and not fighting with them about choosing you or their support group.  Finally, both you and they need structure. Both of you need guidelines to your interaction.  Without a new set of rules you will both fall into old patterns of behavior.  This is true regardless of your relationship as a parent, lover or friend.  As the “normal” one in the relationship, you have lowered your standards to meet their addiction.  You need to raise your standards to where you know they should be and maintain them.  Worry about keeping yourself accountable, not what the addict/alcoholic is or is not doing.

The changes you need to see include staying away from nightlife and friends that still use. If you are still using alcohol or drugs, you need to respect them and abstain.  For most people this is not a problem, if it is.  Then I suggest you look at your possible addictive personality, or your ego.  Far too often, I hear I am not the one with the problem so why should I quit.  If you are a smoker do you smoke around someone with emphysema? Of course not!  If you are not the one with the problem, and you really do care about this individual, than get over your ego, and chose not to use. Period.

How you can help your Addict/alcoholic.  For teens and adults the rules are the same for an addict.  The reason being is they act the same.  First and foremost, do not use emotions to get a point across. Each and every time you believe their is a problem, address it calmly and quietly.  Do not expect them to know what you are thinking or feeling.  More times than I care to count I hear Families complaining that they feel this or that. Their addict/alcoholic is sober so she or he should “know” how this makes them feel.  The problem with this is usually thier addict/alcoholic doesn’t know.  Is unaware and the pattern of thier relationship does not allow any clear guidelines for change. Often time what you see as obvious and “doing again”.  They are absolutely in the dark and would make an effort to change, if they were made aware without being treated with no respect.  As difficult as this seems, take out the emotion, and simply state the facts.  Imagine for just a minute your addict/alcoholic is a perfect stranger.  Someone you have known for only 30 seconds, how would you speak to them, talk to them?  What would you expect from them?

If your loved one is in recovery, let go of the guilt for their problem.  This is extremely difficult for parents as we tend to be guilty for everything they say and do.  Often times we get into the we should have… The fact is it is done.  You did the best you could with the knowledge you had.  Stop worrying about the should’ves and make yourself take daily action to really focus on your part of the equation.  For teens that have been using and abusing, they are a lot older than thier chronilogical age.  Usually because they have been associating with “friends” that are far older than they are.  They know things you do not know unless you have played with the people they are.  This doesn’t mean they know how to live life well.  They are knowledgeable about the darker side of human nature, and that is all.  This is your opportunity to introduce them to the bright side of the universe, and the rewards of living clean and sober.

Do be clear about your rules, consequences, and decisions.  You can state them, but consider these boundaries that are designed to be pushed.  Your consequences will be the determining factor. For example, if you are the one going to work, paying the bills then you get a real deciding factor in where the money is going.  If others are living in the house, then they need to look for work.  Obviously in this market, that may be difficult for some depending on skill.  If they are home, they need to be responsible for the upkeep of the home, ensure dinner is on the table and the laundry is done.  However, they need to know that this is expected of them.

Far to often, “Mom’s” are working, and still coming home to deal with their second job.  One client of mine told me over and over about coming home from the office to find her husband stretched out in front of the TV.  No dinner, homework not done, no housework done.  Her statement was,”couldn’t he figure this out! Do I need to tell him the kids need to be fed dinner, and homework needs to be done?” The answer is – yes! This is not a declaration of love, this is simply a state of affairs.  This is life in many homes as well.

Clear the air calmly, and with the most monotone voice you have.  If the expectation is:
“when I come home that the house is clean, the kids are working on their homework, and the laundry is done.” Then share this with whomever you think should be doing it.  This is what they can do to participate in the community of the home.

Recovery does not mean sitting around the house doing nothing, hanging out, watching tv, etc.  Recovery is about taking responsibility for all facets of your life.  Regardless of age, occupation, or anything else. As the family and friends of the recovering addict you may actually be required to back up a few years, and reset the ground rules.  But this will only count and only have impact if you can stick to it.  Your commitment to following through needs to be unbreakable.  And it must be done matter of fact, with no emotional outbursts.  I cannot stress that enough.  No emotion! It simply is.  They can either accept it or reject it.  They can either be with you or not.  It is thier choice.  The problem for you is what are the consequences.  If you say, you don’t like it leave, are you going to pack thier bags?

More then likely they are use to hearing you say one thing, and do another.  They are pretty sure you will not follow through, or if you do it is only temporary.  They know you are tired, and they can emotionally wear you down.  Addicts and Alcoholics love to play on your emotions.  They know exactly the right buttons to push.  You are actually the one that keeps bouncing from passive to aggressive to weepy to whatever.  Put on your best poker face and stand your ground.  State your case, if you said I told you this happens again, you are out, make it clear when you expect them to be gone. With an out of here rule, however, have availble where they can go.  With adults, call a sober living house.  Make a few calls, you will find a bed in a price range that is good for you.  With teenagers (under 18) it is a little more difficult.  A halfway house for teens may be a located near by.  The point is, know your options.  Stick to your rules.  You are not helping them by breaking the rules all the time.

The following is a list of things you either must not do, or must stop doing if you honestly want to stop the cycle of addiction.  Friends and families actually spend more time helping the addict to continue using rather than helping them stop.  Take responsibility for your actions.  You have a part in this, make it a good one.

• DO NOT Rescue your child, husband, sibling, friend, coworker, etc  from the consequences of their actions
• DO NOT Blame, argue, or recall past mistakes.  Do not live in the past, only in today.  Each time the score card of mistakes comes out, it takes away from the idea that thier is a future.  Through the score card away, deal with the moment, and make sure you are not in expectation, but are clear.
• DO NOT solve your teen’s or husbands problems for them; but give them guidance to take the next step.
• DO NOT Accept their promises, accept only thier actions as the truth.
• DO NOT Be anxious or impatient.  They did not become addicts and alcoholics overnight, They will not be living in recovey overnight.  Celebrate the wins, and talk about the failures.  Both you and your loved one need to take a daily inventory.  What went right and what went wrong. The goal of this inventory is to find better ways of liivng and doing things.

Simple recovery takes over a year to accomplish.  Understand this is a long term commitment for both of you.  Gather the support you need, professional and non professional.

For more information, contact us at Motivate 4 success

Got a question?  Email us at cc@motivate4success.com